After the Mortal War
by booklover702
Summary: Clary just wished that she could have what was hers back. But once it is taken from her she pushed everything that she could and have loved away. Join her on her emotional journey after the mortal war.
1. Chapter 1

Waking up everyday is the hardest part. You have to wake up and realize that everything that has happened in the past few months actually happened and wasn't a dream. That's what it feels like... a dream. Life without Jace never occurred to Clary. She never worried that maybe one day he would be gone, no one did. He was the best Shadowhunter of his age for a reason.

Jace dies two months ago in the war against Sebastian. Sebastian was trying to create another race of Shadowhunters with a few help from his demon friends. We would have probably been defeated if it wasn't for Jace's sacrifice. We had a demon hoard after us, trying to get us away from Sebastian. Jace knew what they were doing when no one else realized it, he also knew what he was going to do, I can still hear him clear as day in my head, like ringing bells in the morning, _"Hey, I have a idea! I am going to run this way while you and the others run the other way. Don't worry, they won't follow me, I'm going to sneak up on them." _I remember hesitating, knowing I can trust him, he smiled at me, but not a smile that would reassure me. His smiled said, _"I'm sorry." _

I noticed this when he was yelling and provoking them to follow him. I yelled and I screamed at the damn things,I yelled at Jace, I screamed and cried for him, then right before they killed them together I saw him. His face. His face glowing in the sun, he had a smile on his face, this time it was a smile showing he was proud... but then right above his cheek was a single tear. The boy who said he would never cry again _was crying. _He whispered one word to himself before he was gone in the huddle of demons around him, a word that made him okay with dying, that gave him the strength to let these demons take him even though Jace, the best Shadowhunter of his age could have killed them all, he knew they needed a distraction while we ran back to Sebastian. This one word made him brave.

_"Clary."_

XXXX

"Earth to Clary?"

I snapped my attention back at Simon, forgetting all about me being here at Taki's. "I'm sorry, what?"

He tilted his head, puckering his lips to look like a hurt puppy, the look he gives me when he is worried, "I said that we should get the Nachos together." He tried to smile.

"Yeah, sure, that's fine." I took a drink of my diet coke and looked down at my sketchbook, I realized why now I zoned out and Simon was worrying, I was drawing a picture of Jace. I blinked at it a couple times, then tore it out, crumbled it up and layed it on the red and white checkered table mat. A girl that looked in the mid-twenties with purple hair took our order, grabbed my crumbled up Jace sketch and threw it away.I opened my mouth like I was going to ask for it back, but instead I didn't. I would want to finish it, but I couldn't find the strength to do that.

Simon and me had a very interesting conversation about the newest thing Isabelle is into, everything floral pattern. I wouldn't know this because since Jace has gone I haven't gone over to the Institute or spoken to any of the Lightwoods. Simon says that Isabelle misses me and wants to get over this together, but she doesn't understand, _I don't want to get over it. _I don't ever want to get over it. The food came, we ate, we paid, we left.

Simon wanted to walk me home but I shot him down saying I was to tired. I ended up taking a cab home to find my mom and Luke in the kitchen talking under their breaths, right when my presence was known they shut up quick. My mom came walking towards me very quickly, I took a few steps back.

"Hey baby," She grabbed me in and pulled me into a hug. Since Jace has been gone she has been very affectionate, a little to affectionate. "how are you feeling today?"

"Fine, just trying to breath." She let go of me quickly and tried to get out a little laugh. I scooted past her, waved to Luke, and went straight to my bed and fell asleep. I was dreaming of the war again, I woke up in a sweat at two in the morning. I got up knowing I wouldn't have any hope falling back asleep. I got in the shower standing and holding my head up high to get the soap out of my hair, but ended up sitting in the tub with the water running down my back while I cried. I got out of the shower at three in the morning, drew, watched T.V., then went back to bed at six. This time dreaming of my happy, sarcastic Jace.

**Hi guys! If you have read this and liked it please follow and favorite it! It would mean a lot to me and give me the boost to finish this story!Sorry if there are a lot of errors I missed, I wrote this at 1 in the morning!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

_"No peeking!" Jace said as he guided me. He blindfolded me to keep the surprise of what he was doing for me. _

_I giggled without meaning to, "Jace I swear if I trip and fall-"_

_"If you trip I will let you get me back for it."_

_"How would I get you back for it?" I started to laugh, I could hear his crooked smile on his face._

_"I'll put a blindfold on and you can run me into a pole." We both laughed, even though we both knew he was being dead serious. "Okay," he stopped in his tracks making me run into the side of his arm, he laughed warmly and started to fiddle with the blindfold slowly taking it off of my face._

_My eyes were still shut, "Can I open my eyes?" I couldn't help but smile like a five year old going to Disneyland for the first time. Whatever Jace was doing it was making my stomach do flips._

_"Yes, you can open." I slowly opened my eyes to find Jace a couple feet away from me standing next to a picnic set-up in the middle of Central Park, it was perfectly set up like a picnic you would see in the movies. "I know, I know, super cheesy... But I thought you would like to get away from Shadowhunter business and the drama that we know our lives are!" He threw his hand up in the air dramatically. _

_"Jace," I began to say, the whole thing bewildered me, I was not expecting this what so ever! My heart began to flutter as I walked towards him, he had that big smile on his face, he is so beautiful. I smiled to match his, "I love it." _

_"My lady." He took my hand and sat me down across him, once again I giggled, he opened the picnic basket and took out two Chinese take out boxes, I laughed, "Hey! It was this, my eggs, or Isabelle's cooking!"_

_"No, no, it's fine!" I was still laughing, "I just wasn't expecting it." I took one of the boxes from him to find mu shu pork, "This is yours I'm guessing." _

_"Ah, yes. Thank you my love." he took the box from me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. _

_He opened fried rice, orange chicken, and some pot stickers. Once we finished eating, we cleared the food and layed down on the blanket and watched the stars. I was full, but my stomach was still doing little flips, I smiled and looked at him for him to return the glance. He leaned in to kiss me-_

"Clary? Oh, I'm sorry dear, I didn't know you were sleeping. Just wanted to let you know Isabelle is here." My mom left shutting the door silently but I could still hear her mumbled voice in the living room talking to someone. That's funny. Did she say Isabelle?

I groaned while I changed my position, ready to just go back to sleep, but then it struck me, I jumped up in bed, "Isabelle!?" I grabbed my polka-dotted throw blanket, wrapped myself in it and left my room, "I'm sorry mom but did you say-" I stopped to see Isabelle in a knee length floral dress. My stomach churned, I couldn't breath, my knees buckled.

"Hello Clary. It sure has been awhile." She tried on a smile to reassure me that everything is fine.

"What are you doing here?" My voice came out quiet and cold, I can tell she heard the hardness in my voice because I could see the hurt in her eyes, "_I'm sorry." _I wanted to say but my mouth couldn't open to say the words, it was so dry.

"I just want to see how you were. Simon called me yesterday saying you looked like you haven't had a good night sleep in weeks and also that-" she broke her sentence off a little to quickly, "I just wanted to see if you were okay."

"He told you I drew Jace yesterday without even realizing it didn't he." I wasn't asking her, because I already knew the answer, Simon and Isabelle tell each other everything when it comes to me. "I'm fine. I'm holding myself together..." it took me a moment before I could go on, "h-how are you?"

"Oh, I'm doing quite alright." She smiled gently. Her lips said one thing when her eyes said another, _she is hurting just as much as me._ I felt tears coming along and I knew what I had to do, I dropped my blanket and ran to her and pulled her into a hug. I could feel her warm tears on my shirt, "Everyone misses you Clary... when will you be coming back?"

I pulled away, "I don't think I can Isabelle."

I could see the fire igniting in her eyes, she scoffed, "I'm sorry?"

"I said-"

"No, I know what you said, you said you can't." She wiped her eyes that were completely bare of make-up, "You can't come back to your friends that are so close to you that they could be family. Why? Because of Jace? Clary, you need to understand that he was _our brother. _It hurts us as much as it hurts you! Why-"

"I think you should go Isabelle." I turned around to grab my blanket then went to open the front door for her. She stood in place for a few seconds, but gave up and started walking towards the door. Right before she slammed the door she said, "You know where to find me."

I stood still, not finding enough composure to turn and walk back to my room. I heard my mom call my name but I was already off in my room crying on my bed like I do every day. I wasn't crying because of what Isabelle said, because what she said I already knew. I was crying because of the dream I had... I shouldn't call it a dream, because that's not what it was... it was a memory.

**Alright guys! I already know I just published this but I kept thinking about it and wanted to write more! Please Favorite and follow because there will be more to come! I don't write for no one to read!**


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